The Facepalmer's Husband - Peter Tomlinson - A Short Summary and Review

 The Facepalmer's Husband: Anecdotes From Japan - Peter Tomlinson - A Short Summary and Review

By: a.d. elliott | Take the Back Roads - Art and Other Odd Adventures

A Rite of Fancy Book Recommendation and Review

A British waterskier teaches English in Japan and marries a Sea.

A Short Summary:

The Facepalmer's Husband: Anecdotes from Japan by Peter Tomlinson is a humorous memoir of a young British expatriate trying to build a life in Japan while having far more enthusiasm than cultural understanding. After arriving in Japan in his early twenties, Tomlinson teaches English despite modest confidence in his academic credentials, experiments with a succession of jobs and business ventures, and gradually learns how little he understands about the country he lives in. 

At the center of the story is his marriage to Akane, whom he nicknames "Sea," the daughter of a traditional Japanese family. Their relationship turns everyday life into an ongoing exercise in cultural translation. Pete must contend not only with language barriers but with Japanese expectations surrounding marriage, family, work, gift-giving, education, food, business, and social behavior, often discovering the rule only after he has already broken it. Even his introduction to his future in-laws becomes an awkward cultural comedy, with Pete delivering a memorized Japanese marriage proposal while having little idea how badly the meeting is actually going. 

The anecdotes range far beyond domestic life. Tomlinson teaches English, befriends an accomplished Japanese doctor through waterskiing, attempts various businesses, encounters the complications of international commerce, travels, experiments with Japanese customs, and repeatedly discovers that confidence and comprehension are not the same thing. Through it all, Sea frequently acts as a translator, cultural interpreter, business partner, and the more practical half of the marriage.

My Favorite Quote from the Book:

"A diploma looks much better on the loo wall than a lowly degree."

- Peter Tomlinson, The Facepalmer's Husband

Questions to ponder while reading:

Do you get along with your in-laws?

Have you ever discovered the rules only after you had already broken them?

My Review:

The Facepalmer's Husband is, above all, a comical look at cultural exchange from the perspective of someone who readily admits that he frequently has no idea what he is doing. Peter Tomlinson's willingness to make himself the punchline is what makes much of the book work. He doesn't arrive in Japan as an expert explaining Japanese culture to the reader. He is the foreigner putting mayonnaise and Tabasco on the rice, mangling a social convention, misunderstanding a conversation, starting another questionable business idea, or discovering much later why everyone reacted strangely.

That also makes the marriage between Pete and Sea the strongest thread running through the anecdotes. Their differences extend well beyond nationality. Sea tends to be practical, disciplined, and aware of the consequences around them, while Pete regularly barrels forward and figures those consequences out afterward. One early scene rather perfectly establishes their dynamic: Sea explains that wedding wrapping paper should be carefully opened and preserved, beginning what Pete describes as years of sentences starting with "In Japan…" as she attempts to teach him the culture around him. The Facepalmer's Husband: Their marriage becomes its own little cultural exchange program.

The humor can be irreverent and occasionally deliberately impolite, and Tomlinson sometimes paints people or customs in very broad strokes. Readers looking for a careful cultural study of Japan will therefore be reading the wrong sort of book. This is an anecdotal memoir, told very much through one man's personality and recollections. But that subjectivity is also part of its charm. Some of the funniest moments come from the realization that neither side necessarily understands the other as well as everyone assumes.

Underneath the comedy, however, something affectionate emerges in The Facepalmer's Husband. Pete changes. He becomes a better teacher, builds friendships, learns more of the language, finds his way through work and business, and slowly acquires the cultural instincts that he lacked when he arrived. The result is an entertaining collection of stories about what happens when two cultures meet not at the level of international diplomacy, but around a dinner table, inside a classroom, on a waterski boat, and, perhaps most precariously, in front of the in-laws.

If you liked The Facepalmer's Husband, you may also like:

Vagabond - Tim Curry

The Great Railway Bazaar - Paul Theroux

Shogun - James Clavell

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About the Author

a.d. elliott is a wanderer, photographer, and storyteller traveling through life

She shares her journeys at Take the Back Roads, explores new reads at Rite of Fancy, and highlights U.S. military biographies at Everyday Patriot.

You can also browse her online photography gallery at shop.takethebackroads.com.

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